Hey kids! Summer is over, the trees are bare and I sit unemployed watching Hoarders. If that’s not bad enough, I’ve seen this episode like 12 times already. Looking for a job is a really weird place to be. Like any other major life transition, your friends and family want to help, but they really have absolutely no freaking clue what to say or do. But one thing you should not say, “Make finding a job your job!!” Please make this a life rule right up there with not asking a seemingly pregnant woman when she is due, a tall person how’s the weather up there, and saying, “Cold enough for ya!” to anyone on earth. We’ve heard it. A lot. Our job is not throat punching people who say this to us. Sadly, it doesn’t pay well.
People do want to help because it sucks watching someone you care about feel so crappy and loser-y. So people will tell you about jobs that in no way relate to your field or that you qualify for. “Hey, I heard you’re a graphic designer looking for a job. My neighbor is looking to hire someone.” “Oh great! What kind of job?” “Forest ranger.” Followed closely by the people who tell you about jobs in your field but in far away places. “I saw a listing for graphic designer.” “Oh great!” “It was in the Philippines.” God love you guys, because we know you want to help, but the Philippines is a little far to commute everyday.
Job searching is like this really long series of blind dates. And I really, really sucked at dating. I had an interview where a creative director asked in a roundabout way if I was a lesbian. See? Just like a shitty date! The worst part is I had no idea what answer he was looking for. One of my friends said I should have answered, “Is that a problem?” That’s why she has a job and I don’t.
On Friday I got word that, after making it to the final round of the hiring process, I again lost out to other candidates. When I get that far in to the process, it’s hard for me not to take it personally. That jerk voice in my head says things like, “If I was younger, cuter, funnier, thinner, a better designer, etc. this would be so much easier. I’m just not good enough.” Logically I know it’s not true and it’s difficult for everyone trying to break into a new field. If it’s not for some people, well, I’m putting them on the “To Throat Punch” list.
If this life has taught me nothing else it’s never say, “It couldn’t possibly get any worse then this!” Because life has a way of showing you that yes, in fact, it can get way worse and then proving it to you. So despite how bleak I feel, I try to always count my blessings. I’m so grateful for the people who care about me and have called, texted, messaged, Tweeted, Tumblr’d, Facebooked, sent me silent good vibes, just listened to me bitch, let me cry and/or picked up the bill. If your kindness were dollars I’d be a billionaire. But it’s not, so Monday morning it’s back on the stroll.
Till we meet again, enjoy this super depressing Ray LaMontagne song, “Let It Be Me.”